His words made me realize I’d never truly asked Peter how he felt about his father leaving. I’d been so focused on moving forward and being both parents to him that I’d never given him space to grieve.
“You should have told me,” I said, looking away.
“How?” Peter asked.
“When? There was never a right time. At first, it was just occasional visits.
Then when the fire happened, what was I supposed to do? Turn him away?”
“Yes!” I exclaimed. “Or at least be honest with me!”
“I was afraid,” Peter admitted.
“Afraid you’d make me choose.”
Just then, Jack appeared in the doorway.
“So, you just get to be a part of this family again? Like nothing happened?” I asked Jack.
He swallowed hard. “I don’t expect forgiveness.
I don’t even expect kindness. I just… I wanted to be here, to make things right.”
I shook my head. “There’s no ‘making things right.’ There’s only living with what you’ve done.”
“Mom,” Peter said softly, “he’s dying.”
“What?”
“His heart,” Peter explained.
“The doctors give him maybe a year.”
I looked at Jack again and remembered the brief instance when he’d mentioned his heart downstairs. For some reason, knowing about his health didn’t soften my heart as much as it should have.
“That doesn’t erase the past,” I said.
“No,” Jack agreed. “It doesn’t.
And I don’t deserve your forgiveness, Martha. I know that.”
Tears welled in Peter’s eyes. “Mom, I love you.
But I’m not going to apologize for having a relationship with my father. Especially now.”
I took a deep breath. “And I’m not going to pretend this doesn’t hurt.”
Then, I picked up my bag and started walking toward the main door.
“Mom?
Where are you going?” Peter asked.
“Home,” I said. “I need some time.”
“But Mom, I—”
“At least now I know why I was never invited here,” I looked at Peter and Betty. Then, my gaze shifted to Jack.
“I just need some time to process this. I’ll be back when I feel better.”
And just like that, I walked out of my son’s house, unsure of what would happen next.
It’s been two days since I last visited him, and I still have trouble processing everything. Do you think I should accept Jack back into my life?
Do you think I should forgive him for abandoning us? What would you have done if you were in my place?
Source: amomama
